Better together

There is no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard

And no song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart
Our dreams and they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart, like
Why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing, it's so much better when we're together

I started writing this to you Zane a long time ago when i was in Sydney with Tivi and Jace and you were here with Che

Dear Zane,

I recently told someone to write- write out everything that they keep inside of them- if not for advice, just for release. They asked me where to start. How to find a beginning in a confusion of things.

I told them to stand still. Just stop and begin the story from Where-ever it is you are.

I've missed you. I really miss Che's smile and the gentle light he brings with him that shimmers whereever he toddles. But you- i miss differently.
Sometimes i guess its easier to get perspective from a distance. Our lives are so filled with a zillion tiny things 'to do' that its hard to step back from being 'mummy' and 'daddy' and just be ourselves. Whoever that may be these days.
When i really think about it- i dont miss 'daddy' so much- probably because i spend so much time focussing on the things he's not doing right... hehe but i miss Zane. I miss him a lot. Sometimes- i think of you - like an old highschool friend- someone i always wished only good things for... and i wonder if you are happy with your life and what you would change if you knew you had the power of someone elses faith in you.


Hehe i dont know if that makes sense. But sometimes outside of the everyday US, i remember the nights you'd talk about dreams, about adventures and all the world with so much we havent seen.
And i wish i could give you back that sense... that nothing - was impossble.

I keep telling you if only you lived your life, the way you watch your movies... you'd get so much more out of it Hehe- and i wonder what holds you back.

And when you tell me, you feel like you've ruined my life- i'm not sure how explain, that some days i don't want to play Mummy, but i'm not unhappy. Just dissatisfied- that i'm not wanting more. Or doing more. Or Being more. I'm annoyed that i can't live my life- the way i love my movies.

So months down the track now- i know we've had this conversation before but just in case i've never said this out loud- thankyou. Maybe i need too much drama, because reading that makes me think- hang on- for all the events and circumstances that have led us to here- it makes for an excellent movie.

In the past five years it's been one life altering moment after another, particularly 3 moments that remind us everyday that we are never boring together.

You, make me want to give you the world in all it's shiney pieces, wrapped in a box, tied with satin ribbon... so we could sit together and find the prettiest parts and be reminded of how lucky we all are. I want to take the sadness that sometimes hides in your eyes and lead it to a place where everything is possible and nothing is hard.

I'm greatful for the days we have shared together, for the marvels we have created, for the journeys we have taken.

But i love you not for these things, but because when i look at you- all i want is the world to be at it's best- so that you can see it... and never be sad.

I can't offer you a box of stars and possilities, but how bout a shoebox of memories and sepia tone loving?